Hi There,
Today I am sharing with you 5 case studies (all names changed for privacy) as signs a woman has been sexually abused in relationship breakdowns, intimacy & career issues, poor self-esteem and the need to protect oneself from perceived danger.
This also highlights how child abuse was so prevalent but not talked about and the burden carried by the affected individual throughout their life.
- Kerry is recently separated from her 7 years partner and is stuck wondering why she failed three marriages.
- Harry, in spite of being a successful professional and with a doting wife, wonders why he is motivated to cheat on his loving beautiful wife.
- Maria, in spite of being a dutiful wife and a loving mum, cannot stop herself from drug abuse.
- Olga is constantly sick and she is in and out of hospitals for most part of her life.
- Jen is suffering from uterus cancer and is doing everything she possibly can to enjoy her remaining life.
Why?
Did they choose those lives?
Are they responsible for failed marriages, affairs, sickness and addictions?
Let us go behind the scenes and understand their past.
- A good friend of her father touched Kerry inappropriately. When Kerry mentioned that to her dad, he brushed it aside and she was forced to travel with that friend to establish that everything is OK
- Harry’s grandmother asked Harry to lie down with her on her bed but it felt inappropriate to Harry.
- Maria felt she had to give in physically to her father & brothers because she understood that’s when her dad and brothers were good to their wives. And Maria gave in, they took advantage of her.
- Olga’s mum kept quiet and shushed Olga from speaking up when her sister was physically abused by her father for the fear of society, shame and dishonour.
- Jen always knew she preferred intimacy with a woman over a man. Now she is in her 50s with two beautiful kids and a loving partner. She questions her so-called happy married life and wonders if that was abuse!!
Now how is their past connected to the present situation?
- Kerry can never trust a man while she deeply longs for kids and family. So she will never allow lasting intimate relationship for fear of losing that trust.
- Harry developed a deep disrespect for women though on the surface he seems to respect women, it’s the strong yet subtle desire to prove what his grandmother did was wrong and that is his internal struggle.
- Maria is holding the secret and believes that has to be taken to her grave and never to be revealed. SO drugs are her respite.
- Olga cannot get the support of her family because she finally dared to call out on her father. But sickness keeps her in touch with all her family & friends.
- Jen has given up on the possibility of living her truth and also not courageous enough to say no to her loving husband.
There are many different ways that the above situations can be viewed and we can talk about it at length.
But in those moments, that is exactly what Kerry, Harry, Maria, Olga and Jen decided and enacted.
Sexual Abuse is not confined to one definition and Trauma is a moment frozen in time.
A frozen decision or a belief or a choice can dictate lives if it is not resolved and revisited.
And it’s not just the perpetrator who is guilty and is not stigmatised to any gender. Men & women equally play a role.
There are no lasting solutions but with awareness and understanding, you can reset and restart your lives.
But how to restart your life?
How not to pass your trauma to the next generation?
Watch this space..
Love & Healing,
Manna