How to spot unresolved trauma in your partner

Hi there,

I was watching this movie , a true story “Hacksaw Ridge” last week and this scene had an impact on me.

Desmond Doss, a medic who chooses to fight in a war without holding a weapon was praying to God in the midst of gruesome Okinawa battle and he asks “God, please talk to me and let me know what I am doing is right” and the very next second, he hears a cry for help from someone wounded in the battle.

I truly felt that was a message for me too.

Last week, I was holding workshops on how to heal trauma in less than an hour catering to all different time zones and overwhelmed with the responses received and number of people reaching out for help with Trauma.

And in all the conversations I had so far in relation to trauma, what I found really startling contrary to the common belief that people who are living with traumatic memories  don’t reach out for help, was that they are  consistently  seeking help in different ways 24*7 but people are not equipped to understand how they are asking for help.

Especially the loved ones and close friends.

Irrational and involuntary behaviours may raise alarm bells but those that  appear very rational and absolutely poised are quietly leading a trauma afflicted life.

Here are some of the common behaviours of someone who is  trauma afflicted. As much as they seem to be very ordinary, what drives them underneath these behaviours is the memory of trauma.

  1. Easily overwhelmed or very apologetic
  2. Anxious and frequent panic attacks
  3. Mood swings that may seem like depression or sadness
  4. Excessive need to be organised and in control
  5. Driven by work and recognition
  6. Disorganised and/or easily confused
  7. Plays the role of a pacifier and peace keeper
  8. Submissive and/or very  compliant
  9. Dominating and/or aggressive
  10. Suspicious
  11. Over cautious or sensitive about health, exercise, appearances, environment etc
  12. Accepts abuse or compromise their values under the banner of unconditional love
  13. Cannot cope with silence or too loud noises
  14. Fear of Authority
  15. Too aloof or smothering

The above listed behaviours can be causing conflicts in your relationship, if they are not meeting your needs and they seem like not having common interests or your partner does not care for you or understand you.

On the contrary, if that is satisfying your ego in your relationship or helping your family, you may be indirectly encouraging that behaviour not knowing your partner is quietly suffering.

Now you must be wondering, how can I help my partner?

Simple, you don’t help. Understand and equip yourself as to how to offer support without compromising your values and without being a rescuer.

Great surgeons fear operating their loved ones and closer you are to someone, you are that far to help them.

And why should you resolve trauma when that is helping your partner  to be an achiever, successful person or a great parent?

The question is, who are you without those achievements or success?

In my next blog, I will share with you the key to understand their trauma and have a better relationship with your partner.

PS: If you want to understand more about your trauma and how it can negatively affect your life, jump on to these workshops next week.

As before I am running it twice to cater to AU, UK, US, CA, IN, NZ time zones.

Please book the one below that suits you the best..

Best time zone for UK, AU, NZ & INDIA

Best time zone for US & CANADA

I look forward to seeing you there..


Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Scroll to Top