Do you class yourself as:
1. A responsible person?2. Do you take responsibility for yourself? 3. Do you take responsibility for others?
Did you notice the conflict in answering the above three questions?
There are 3 types of people.
Type 1: Chooses to be sad and disappointed. Blames others and expects the world to understand them and make them happy
Type 2: Choose to be fun and happy. Takes the responsibility of keeping others happy by being fun and happy.. often to their own detriment.
Type 3: Choose to be serious and thoughtful. Takes everything seriously not because they are serious but because’s their definition of respect and validation.
All three types above are the chosen pathways for attention and it has worked for years.. so why would you want to change it now?
Lisa as a child, was given attention by her mum only when she was crying.
Belief: If I am sad, I will be loved.
When Barry was a child he was appreciated by his friends and family for being fun and light hearted.
Belief: People only like me when I can make them laugh.
Cameron’s mum looked up to him instead of his brother when she was separated from Cameron’s dad.
Belief: I get respect for being mature.
Three different individuals in three different situations took three different decisions.
Here are a few reasons why they chose one of them :
1. Don’t know how to initiate a matured conversation2. Never felt heard or understood as an adult 3. Gained attention or popularity only by being sad, fun or thoughtful 4. Afraid to be vulnerable therefore self-protection 5. Afraid to be wrong or to fail 6. Do not want the family to break down or separate.
Today, Lisa at 67, waited for her mum to love her by choosing to be sad and disappointed.
Her mum passed away but Lisa continues to be sad expecting to get the same validation from her partner, kids and colleagues.
Barry at 45 takes pride in being fun and is compelled to fill the silence in any get-togethers in spite of his need to be quiet and peaceful. He finds this constant compelling behaviour exhausting so he tries to avoid people.
And Cameron, now in his late 50s, is always serious and thoughtful to hold that invisible family together, be it workplace or supermarket.
Can you see how we project our expectations and need for validation by creating those situations around us?
Taking it to the extremes, people attract narcissistic partners or employers, emotionally unavailable partners or opportunities that will not materialise.
These are the blind spots and we don’t connect the dots. It can lead to negative thought patterns and self-destructive behaviors.
Look around you.
Are you Lisa, Barry or Cameron in any aspect of your life?
Responsibility is another powerful tool that people underutilise towards themselves and over utilise towards others. 🔴
Start being Responsible for yourself 🙏 and shift those situations around you.
Change your story and stop camouflaging your inabilities
Instead, FACE IT and take responsibility.