As I was coaching, I couldn’t stop wondering if their partners knew how privileged they are to have such beautiful and self-aware women in their lives.
If only they can see what I could see in these beautiful women. And the control they exercise in their relationships is a call for help. It goes both the ways.Not just women. Men too are playing out their patterns and trying hard to live by the definitions that they took on while growing up.
Sharing this conversation here hoping this will shed some light on your patterns and blocks:
Rod and Megan, beautiful loving couple with young kids.
Reason why they are seeing me : Lack of emotional intimacy and very different
Rod: She is very controlling. Takes all the decisions. I don’t have a role to play.
Megan: That’s not true. We take every decision together and I ask you before I finalise
Rod: I acknowledge we take decisions together. But I am forced to say YES to minimise your stress because what bothers me more is to see you stressed out than the actual outcome. So I compromise.
Megan : Silent
I ask what will happen if you don’t take that decision
Rod: Nothing really!! Life will move on and we will have other options to explore.
Megan: No,, This is our family. We have young kids and we have to put this together. Why do we have to waste time?
Rod: We are still a family. Life will move on and we dont have to make everything happen NOW.
Megan: You don’t understand ( Read disappointed and frustrated).
What do you think is happening?
Behind the scenes :
Megan: Trying hard to fulfill her dream that she always wanted. She was inspired to be like her grandparents who were loving, raised a family and stayed together for life. And apparently she didn’t get any of that from her parents. ( Mind you: This is very subconscious)
Rod : Trying to relax and live life because he was always under pressure from his dad to prove himself growing up. So he want to be a great dad and a husband who can show his kids and wife “real life” with fun and laughter without having to prove anything.
Quite often, the differences that couples experience stem from their past. May be difficult childhood or trauma or some fear or pain that they could never share. It is not your fault and not your partner’s either.
It is startling to know that 9 out of 10 clients share something for the very first time in their life during the coaching sessions, in spite of having family and best friends.
Can you ask your partner what do they really want from life?
And if you find them too controlling or too submissive, please have empathy and ask what is their fear if they don’t make it happen( if controlling) or if they stand strong in their opinions ( if submissive).
See you next week and I would like to discuss about meeting your needs outside the relationship while staying committed and when single.